Family Law: Divorce isn't war. It's the beginnings of Peaceful Negotiations
Have you ever felt like you were the only person in a conversation? The other person seems uninterested, detached, or distracted? Or maybe it just feels like they are listening only well enough to see where the breaks in conversation are going to open up, and they are just waiting for their turn to talk. Chances are if you are in the midst of a divorce right now, you might not have felt like your soon-to-be former spouse was ever listening. What makes you think they are going to listen now? Why should they? After all, you are at war.
Divorce isn't a war. The war was your marriage, and now you are beginning the process of peaceful negotiation. Now is the time you both can continue on with your lives and are able to follow your own paths, without getting in each other's way. When navigating the mediation table, you might feel like you are in a similar situation as you were during your marriage. A lot of people are talking, but nobody is listening. The problem is both of you want to be right. You know you are right!
Not listening might have played a part in the end of your marriage, but that doesn't mean it has to continue into your new found life. The best way to listen is to stop talking just to hear yourself. The first step in getting someone else to listen to you is to listen to them. Stop talking. Wait. If they are still talking, wait until they are done, re-engage in the discourse, or allow your attorney to intervene.
Are you seeking a resolution in your family law case? The definition of crazy is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. The worst thing is that it makes both of you crazy. Mediation just seems to be pouring gasoline on the nearly dead embers of a campfire. But this isn't a war. This is a chance for you both to start new patterns and your parting of ways can be civil and dignified. If you have children, it is the least you can do for them. If not, it is the very best you can do for each other.
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